Round and around

What goes around comes around



Scene 1

Mr. Software man is working on his computer. His phone at the table rings. Boss is on the other line.

Mr. Software man: Hello

Boss: Did I not ask you to sign off on the release yesterday? Why haven’t you signed off yet?

Continue reading “Round and around”

The curse of India – What it means to be a woman in India


India! I have pondered, written, cried, read, anguished, cursed, rejoiced and at times even celebrated; the country, the people, the practices and many things about it. Everyday life, ups and downs, people, endless prism of drama, color changing trees, color changing people, crushing cruelty, unimaginable poverty, vicious manipulation, ruthless economizing, unabashed selfishness, overwhelming altruism, shameless exploitation, unforgivable imbalance and so much more. I could strive to come up with one example after another for all the adjectives I could muster and then some more. That would still not explain the kind of chaos that happens through the day.

But I want to try and explain what I can.

Continue reading “The curse of India – What it means to be a woman in India”

Diwali Graduation

In the process of crossing the bridge from emotional living to rational living you encounter a few steps:

  1. Hovering phase
  2. Awareness phase
  3. Research phase
  4. Discomfort phase
  5. Denial phase
  6. Anger phase
  7. Speculation phase
  8. Acceptance phase
  9. Re-defining phase
  10. Enlightenment phase

I believe I have graduated to somewhere between step 7 & step 8 for many issues. For the ones unexplored, I am sure I will get there.

The journey so far has been tiresome. But I survived. 

 Here’s a snippet story of my journey:

In high school, we played a game every Saturday during English class. We called it ‘Personality’. The class was divided into two teams. A student from Team A would pose a question randomly to one student from Team B. If the answer is convincing, the student in Team A continues asking questions to more students in Team B until someone answers incorrectly. If the answer is incorrect or not convincing, Team B gets the turn to ask questions to Team A.

It was Varsha’s turn. She picked me. Judging from the previous questions (“You are MJ. My question to you: Why did you decide to become white?”, You are Butros Butros-Ghali. Who is your favorite Indian and why?” etc), I was very nervous. While I had heard the name Butros Ghali and knew who MJ was, I had very little knowledge of their work as well as life, hence less confident about giving a convincing reply. I stood clumsily anticipating embarrassment that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

 She asked “You are God. My question to you: Why would you create so many religions and cause such pain and turmoil for mankind?”

 “I created religions? You created them all on your own, I never had a hand in that.”

 After a brief pause, “Yeah, that’s true”. Then she moved on. I was disappointed even though I scored one point for my team. At the time, I didn’t understand why. Perhaps I would have been happy to be wrong and reinforce my initial assumption that I was going to screw up? More likely, now that I think about it, I was excited by the question (and my own instant reply) and wished for further discussion that expanded my mind about the topic. Sadly, only recently I have been exploring the topic again. I am finally ready to experience discomfort, face looming uncertainties and persist through mental discord. Playing “What if” game helps me see the fun in this journey.

“What if I was a brain-in-a-vat?”

“What if, for every choice I make, there is another ‘me’ somewhere making one of the right choices?”

“What if I could never forget a single thing in life right from this moment?”

“What if I forget everything from my past until this moment?”

The point of this exercise is to have more answers, better theories and shatter assumptions in everyday life to have a more rational view of life. Rationality triumphs everything. Good choices aid the rational process. Occasionally, emotions and associative memory hinder the journey towards a more rational self. My entire life story is about that and how I’m working on them.

 Consider the following. Which of the two lines is longer?


If you thought the one in the bottom, you are not alone. This is Müller-Lyer illusion. Both lines are of the same length.

Like optical illusions, we experience cognitive illusions as well. We tend to place more value on ourselves, things we own, experiences we gain, cultures we define and so on. To break the mold and rediscover oneself is extremely unnatural, not to mention difficult; and more so during festivities that rekindle fond social memories.

Diwali, to me, is one such occasion. Waking up reluctantly to the in-house nadaswaram/melam, being forced in to the ritual of oil bath, deciding which one of the new clothes to wear, deciding order of cracker bursting, waiting impatiently for relatives to arrive, sumptuous feast of a brunch, post-meal coma, running and chasing around the house with kids, singing and dancing sessions along with a special hot coffee, more cracker-bursting, more talking. The cherry-on-top has always been when everyone finally leaves. The emptiness would set in. The vacant feeling of having no purpose in life would become unbearable. Rushing to the terrace to be alone sensing an out-of-control surge of indescribable emotions that I’d want no one to find out – That cannot be a fond memory, considering logically.

Here’s where the value theory comes in. Awareness of the ill-effects of crackers is one thing. Practicing in real life is another. It is uneasy not to be in a social group during the occasion; it enhances the loneliness. It is unconventional to stay at home when everyone else is bursting crackers; it makes you stand out. It is unheard of to not offer the privilege of bursting crackers to the 5 year old; it makes you guilty.

Overcoming the cognitive strain is a choice. Once you cross that threshold, you realize that being alone for a cause is good. Standing out for a good reason makes you stronger. Guilt is in the mind. Having parents that want better things for the family, for the environment, having parents that offer a platform for logical reasoning and rational thinking is also a privilege.

 I’m glad Diwali was here. I’m relieved that it’s over.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger” – Friedrich Nietzsche

To be, or not to be, that is the question

I have been working on a few things these past months. I had no intention of reviving my blog until I had decided on a new direction and purpose for my writing.

However, I have decided to post today because after all, what is the point of having a blog and occupying cyber space if I’m not sharing my thoughts when needed. So here it comes…

While I haven’t been writing for public, I have still been reading other blogs. Indian Home Maker’s being one of them. In a recent post, a woman discusses her rights to eat without having showered. It might seem ridiculous that a woman doesn’t even have the right to eat when and how she pleases but it’s true. Read the post if you don’t believe me. I posted a comment there for which one mr.sanjeev replies. Not directly in the post but in my blog post that is absolutely irrelevant to the topic of discussion. He is commenting possibly in other blogs as well.

Here’s the comment I received from this bottom-dweller

Here’s my response to you mr.sanjeev if you are reading this:

I have to admit I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed because of the helplessness that I felt knowing that grave misogynists are not just blind but also cowards. Now don’t concern yourself wondering if you are in fact a misogynist. You wouldn’t know. Your brain still needs time to evolve.

Mr. sanjeev was having lunch with his wife. Mr. sanjeev lives with his wife in her parent’s house. Mr.sanjeev cooks, cleans and takes care of the house in addition to working outside. One fine after noon which is his weekly day off from work, he cleans the house while his wife’s mother and father relax in their rooms.

Mr.sanjeev’s wife is busy with other things while mr.sanjeev religiously scrubs the kitchen and bathroom floors. He usually showers after cleaning but that day he was hungry and decided to eat. Mr.sanjeev was so relieved he didn’t have to cook much that day. Usually he makes a whole variety of dishes to please his wife’s dearest mother and father. But that particular day they had given him a break. Mr.sanjeev’s wife doesn’t interfere with his cooking. After all, he knows how to handle things around the house. Mr.sanjeev is so lucky to have such a great wife and such amazing mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Mr.sanjeev sat down in the dining table to eat. His wife was also at the table. Mr.sanjeev’s Mother-in-law, the holiest of holy mother to have ever walked on earth, interrupts his eating.
“Mr.sanjeev, what is this? You stink. Don’t you know you have to shower? With girls it’s a different matter, they don’t have to shower. You know that! But how dare you eat before shower?”. Mr.sanjeev was enraged and furious. But mr.sanjeev’s wife rightly brought him back to his senses. She said “mr.sanjeev, apologize to my dearest mother. You will not show a rude face to that holy being”. But mr.sanjeev did not budge. Mr. sanjeev’s wife then said “How dare you! You BLOODY BITCH mr.sanjeev, you wouldn’t be less of a human if you say sorry to my holy mother. Do not make “a mountain of a mole hill”. I’m not your puppet, do you understand BITCH?”. Mr. sanjeev’s wife then threw the food he cooked for her, shattering the dishes in the process.   

Mr.sanjeev is now said to have realized his mistake. He has mended his ways and vows not to sway from his destiny. He has now decided to shower three times a day, once before every meal. mr.sanjeev’s wife is glad he is put in his place and knows rightly where he belongs. After all, it is her job to make sure of that and help her holy mother and father in that process.

The End.