To be, or not to be, that is the question


I have been working on a few things these past months. I had no intention of reviving my blog until I had decided on a new direction and purpose for my writing.

However, I have decided to post today because after all, what is the point of having a blog and occupying cyber space if I’m not sharing my thoughts when needed. So here it comes…

While I haven’t been writing for public, I have still been reading other blogs. Indian Home Maker’s being one of them. In a recent post, a woman discusses her rights to eat without having showered. It might seem ridiculous that a woman doesn’t even have the right to eat when and how she pleases but it’s true. Read the post if you don’t believe me. I posted a comment there for which one mr.sanjeev replies. Not directly in the post but in my blog post that is absolutely irrelevant to the topic of discussion. He is commenting possibly in other blogs as well.

Here’s the comment I received from this bottom-dweller

Here’s my response to you mr.sanjeev if you are reading this:

I have to admit I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed because of the helplessness that I felt knowing that grave misogynists are not just blind but also cowards. Now don’t concern yourself wondering if you are in fact a misogynist. You wouldn’t know. Your brain still needs time to evolve.

TODAY’S BREAKING NEWS:
Mr. sanjeev was having lunch with his wife. Mr. sanjeev lives with his wife in her parent’s house. Mr.sanjeev cooks, cleans and takes care of the house in addition to working outside. One fine after noon which is his weekly day off from work, he cleans the house while his wife’s mother and father relax in their rooms.

Mr.sanjeev’s wife is busy with other things while mr.sanjeev religiously scrubs the kitchen and bathroom floors. He usually showers after cleaning but that day he was hungry and decided to eat. Mr.sanjeev was so relieved he didn’t have to cook much that day. Usually he makes a whole variety of dishes to please his wife’s dearest mother and father. But that particular day they had given him a break. Mr.sanjeev’s wife doesn’t interfere with his cooking. After all, he knows how to handle things around the house. Mr.sanjeev is so lucky to have such a great wife and such amazing mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Mr.sanjeev sat down in the dining table to eat. His wife was also at the table. Mr.sanjeev’s Mother-in-law, the holiest of holy mother to have ever walked on earth, interrupts his eating.
“Mr.sanjeev, what is this? You stink. Don’t you know you have to shower? With girls it’s a different matter, they don’t have to shower. You know that! But how dare you eat before shower?”. Mr.sanjeev was enraged and furious. But mr.sanjeev’s wife rightly brought him back to his senses. She said “mr.sanjeev, apologize to my dearest mother. You will not show a rude face to that holy being”. But mr.sanjeev did not budge. Mr. sanjeev’s wife then said “How dare you! You BLOODY BITCH mr.sanjeev, you wouldn’t be less of a human if you say sorry to my holy mother. Do not make “a mountain of a mole hill”. I’m not your puppet, do you understand BITCH?”. Mr. sanjeev’s wife then threw the food he cooked for her, shattering the dishes in the process.   

Mr.sanjeev is now said to have realized his mistake. He has mended his ways and vows not to sway from his destiny. He has now decided to shower three times a day, once before every meal. mr.sanjeev’s wife is glad he is put in his place and knows rightly where he belongs. After all, it is her job to make sure of that and help her holy mother and father in that process.

The End.

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10 thoughts on “To be, or not to be, that is the question

  1. Actually moving out isn’t a bad option. If I was a woman and the MIL told spoke to me like that and my husband kept quiet, I’m moving out for sure! Not just from the home, but from the marriage itself. Mother or not, no one should allow their parents to speak to their spouse in that way.

    At the very least the woman should have told her mother to mind her own business. MIL was probably testing her power and the DIL had already placed herself in a lower position to begin with by washing, cooking, cleaning etc for the in laws. A sharp retort would have been ideal. And the spineless husband would have kept quiet here also.

    Depends on what kind of home you want to live in and what kind of partner you want to be with. Expecting the MIL to change all by herself for no reason is unrealistic though. The DIL only has control over one person’s actions – her own.

  2. Hey sowmya, I liked your comments on “What misogynists dream and joke about.” at IHM, I even replied there but the moderator at IHM removed my post and it felt bad to me that some people hated you for your true comments on working women and modern workplace being soul sapping with zero creativity and learning . So just appreciating your thoughts here. And ending it with few quotes from office space movie….

    “So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”

    ” we don’t have a lot of time on this earth! We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.”

    Peace

  3. Thanks for visiting, Vikas.

    I don’t consider the commenters as haters. Elsewhere when true injustices are done to women they make sense. It is only fair to assume that the quick judgement is clouding the rational thinking.
    “Women are better suited for caring infants” is clearly different from “Women cannot do any work other than caring for infants” or “Men cannot care for infants”. I am suggesting the first. Unfortunately, people assume I am suggesting the other two as well.
    Great quote on office space, it is one of my favorite movies and how it amazingly makes sense and applies to India as it stands today!

    • “Women are better suited to take care of infants” — no no I disagree with this statement. Not the other 2. Some people are better suited to caring for infants, nothing to do with gender. So that basic premise of yours is itself slightly flawed 🙂

      My husband is better suited to care for kids, so are my cousins, better suited than their wives. So lo behold, nothing to do with gender in our case, m to do with temperament.

      Ad I don’t understand modern women, constantly harping on raising kids right? How by sitting at home and telling them , be good beta, have empathy beta, is that how one raises concentious citizens? I don’t know. Mine learnt by seeing us work hard, be loving, feeling the passion, compassion , and seeing us generally enjoying life and at the same time realizing the is no good or bad or boring job every job is worthy of your time and effort. Of course having gobs of money helps ease our life.

      • Infant = a very young child or baby.

        Babies need food. Otherwise they will cry. They will not eat on their own or go out to restaurants either. So people need to feed the baby. Men cannot produce milk but lactating women can. Temperaments also cannot make milk. Going by the general rule of infants eating round the clock every 3 or 4 hours, it is impractical for a woman to pump milk elsewhere 3 or 4 times when the husband or ayah feeds the baby from a bottle.

        What can men do? Men can feed the pumped milk. Men can change diapers. Men can sing a lullaby. Men can cook. Men can clean. Men can massage women’s feet. None of that is wrong. It has been done. I don’t have the exact number of men that have done it, but I know one in _my_ life.

        So, Radha, the premise is not flawed, perhaps your views are tainted.

        I understand this is a sensitive topic. I understand all around in India, the society tells women to adjust no matter what, women are confined and suppressed, women are told that they are not capable of doing certain things. But that is not what I am saying, I never did. Any rational level headed woman would be able to understand that if she left the rushing emotions out the door.
        “modern women, constantly harping on raising kids right” – Oh I thought modern women just comment on blog posts and call other women misogynistic. I didn’t think any woman talking about raising kids is considered modern.

        “How by sitting at home and telling them , be good beta, have empathy beta, is that how one raises concentious citizens? I don’t know.” – Since you are sincere and earnest in asking I don’t know how, let me explain it to you.

        One does not sit or even make the kid sit and preach “be good beta, have empathy beta, be conscientious beta”. It is exactly the way you said how yours learned – by seeing how parents live. Also by how parents guide them at every step, how parents are “there” for the kid “when” the kid absolutely needs them. Not all SAHMs veg out, rot and hate life (just like how “all” working moms are not evil or abused at work or too busy for their kids). That assumption of yours is not my problem, it is yours.

  4. Nope i dont think my views are tainted, women dont have a magic nurturing bone in their body and pumping milk is not rocket science, in fact it’s much much easier to pump milk for many women on a fixed schedule than constantly nurse the child.
    and the milk stage hardly lasts 6 months maybe a yr. never said SAHM’s veg out, what i meant was there is no need to raise someone one way, live life well in good health, habits, happiness and kindness and kids will follow. has nothing to do with moms nurturing them or dads being there or anything.
    but just like you think women are the nurturers or ‘better suited’ i dont think so. I rarely had the patience or inclination to do so. doesn’t mean i cant be a mom.
    anyway lets agree to disagree.
    To me whats more imp is financial independence and not just additional income, I strongly feel every women especially those with kids need to be able to support themselves and their kids on their pay, or investment or late-daddys money if need be. but access to compete financial independence is a big thing to me.
    That’s the manta i have lived by, yes my boys have left home now and are enjoying college, yes my husband makes more than enough money that they don’t ever have to work , yet he has never been the primary breadwinner. that’s how it’s always been. guess that’s what gives us Joy.
    IMO every adult should be earning for themselves and if they have dependents be earning for them too. irrespective of if there’s a spouse around or not.

    • I think I will end up giving lessons on the ill effects of selective reading or English lessons when I intend to just state my opinion.

      Better suited is different from “better suited in certain situations”. You choose to respond to a comment that I intended for another commenter without knowing fully what I mean and assume things, how is that helpful for anyone?

      If women, perhaps with all their insecurities and need for acknowledgement from others choose to interpret what is said differently or hastily, it is not the job of the writer to change the views. It is the job of the reader to better equip themselves with analytical skills. Only thing I can possibly do better in a future post is state all kinds of possible disclaimers so it is not misunderstood. Such a sad world it has become, I can’t help smile a little because in the end, this whole exercise will make me a better writer, even if I did not help anyone else in the process.

      “I rarely had the patience or inclination to do so. doesn’t mean i cant be a mom” – Thats your problem perhaps. Because you had no inclination, you assume and apply everything I say is about “you”. If you had a certain arrangement in your family, whether that is right or wrong, whether that is working or not is for you to judge, not me.

      Now, Radha, please do me (and yourself) a favor and please go and read my post from a neutral perspective. Perhaps show it to a male member and ask them if it is offensive to women or even misleading.

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